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Can you imagine a self-important ant? It’s really not that hard to do. But if you’re having trouble, imagine this. Imagine a lachrymose ant in bed brushing its antlers, wondering if it looks fat, and the ant’s disinterested husband reading the paper next to her, reading about the wars happening in ant world (mainly related […]

I never painted as a kid. I drew, but I never painted. Not consistently anyway. And yesterday, after what may very well have been my first attempt at painting, I learned how difficult an art it is. Colours don’t blend together when it’s pencils spreading them across a canvass. They do with paint. As I […]

So if you haven’t heard I’ve started a sock business. Which has been consuming a shit load of my time. And considering I’m dealing with a cast, after having just had doctors fiddle around inside my wrist with their glistening scalpels, my time isn’t being utilised particularly well, to say the least. One thing I’ve […]

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We’re now doing… WORLDWIDE SHIPPING! Over at my new sock business, https://theoddsock.com.au/  Which I wrote a post about, here: ———————— The Rebel The Rebel is a person who represents a direct opposition to the machine of social norms. He is on a journey requiring him to destroy normality at every corner he turns. he is subversive, but […]

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1: There is no right answer Tests, tests, and tests. Standardised tests are what high school is. You’re either doing well and getting A’s, or you’re not. There’s a right answer; there’s a wrong answer. Even in the creative subjects, none of which I did; there’s a good interpretation; there’s a bad interpretation. High school […]

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Here’s a poem I wrote for my new sock business, The Odd Sock. We’re all just dangling feet, in a way. Cycling whimsically through the void, accruing pay. Drinking booze and seeing fuzzy, for a lay. Doing all we can do, to shield the grey. But what waits around the next bend, what’ll grow? Will it […]

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We met about four years ago. She was in Australia on a holiday during her uni break from N/Z, working at a cafe in which I would also “work” (study or write). I woo and shampoo-d her using my mega Romeo skills. In other words, I asked her if she wanted to go out some time. […]

Number 1: Don’t rely on people to pay attention  People say that faith is a virtue; I, however, am not too sure about that. Sure, it sounds nice on the surface. Having faith implies that you have trust, belief, assurance – all positive sounding things. Having positive things is good. Faith and positivity are almost synonymous. […]

Although it sounds a lot like me, it’s not me. Actually, in truth, it sounds exactly like me. It speaks in the same manner as I, we share the same, rather ambiguous accent, it knows the same words as me, it even employs the same inflections and occasional distortions, mumbles. But it’s not me. It’s […]

The lies we tell our partners “I’ll never leave you.” “I’ll love you to the day I die.” “My love for you is eternal.” “I only have eyes for you.” The lies we tell ourselves “This is going to be my year.” “Things are going to get better.” “Nothing could get worse.” “I’m a good […]

Nothing is 100% original. Ever. How could it be? Everything happens in relation to everything else, beside everything else, within and without everything else; everything is a piece to a much larger whole, and every whole is just a piece to something else. Nothing happens in a vacuum. Divide. Extrapolate. Create. Or some other such […]

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Hey, Tony? Yeah, Bob? I think my wife’s cheatin on me, Tony. Bob, your wife is not cheating on you. How do you know, Tony? How do you know? I just know it. I know Marther. I knew her before you did. She ain’t the cheatin type. She ain’t cheatin on you. But how can you […]

I recently found out that another black guy in America was killed by a police officer. I know it happens a lot nowadays, but this was one of the few cases that was dragged into the international spotlight. And for good reason. The reason being, as you must well know by now, that the entire […]

So I went to a Disco Boogie Centre (otherwise known as a nightclub) on Saturday night, an activity in which I’ve not indulged for a few years. And something unexpected happened, something that wouldn’t have happened had I stayed at home: A random girl grabbed my arse. (Had I stayed at home the only girl […]

Imagine that your book is a person, just any old average Joe. Let’s call him Jeff. Jeff is by no means an unattractive guy, physically speaking. He has been pumping iron at the gym at least three times a week for two years now. He eats relatively well. He’s getting a lot of protein. He runs. He cycles. […]

You start out as a single spermatozoon, one among millions, and you’re shot out by the canon of some hairy man’s gonads, a man whom you’ll one day call dad. You, of course, have no choice in the matter. You’re the product, the seed, of someone else’s genome, a fleeting joy. No on chose you; […]

So, I broke my hand a few weeks ago. Which is why I haven’t done a post for… a few weeks. Typing with one hand and a single finger from the other (which causes me slight pain) is, quite frankly, a mild form of torture. I barely look at the screen when I write, being […]

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I slept in today. No, not because it was enjoyable; I’d rather not have. I slept in because I quite literally couldn’t get out of bed. The reason: dreams. Dreams were the reason I couldn’t get out of bed. A string of dreams that seemed to commence a few hours after I went to bed. […]

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I’ve got a few friends who – quite sillily, I reckon – think that not all drugs should be made legal. They think that illegal drugs should stay illegal, that there should be a divide wedged in between certain drugs, and certain others. In this post, I’m gonna play Mr Weird Myth Buster and offer […]

I’ll let you in on a little secret? (Yes. I will.) I have no idea what this post is going to be about. Truly, I don’t. I heard the words criticisms, witticisms, and potatoes, all float through my head in a single sentence, and decided that I should write a post with that title. What’ll […]

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I wish there was a word for this. A word to explain how utterly strange it is that the human, in order to stay alive, must constantly eat, pee, poo, sleep, rehydrate – and is, in most cases, perpetually driven to procreate, or at least imitate the feelings of procreation by way of indulging in […]

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For me regulars, I found a job a month or so back. Huzzah. It’s part time, and it essentially involves me blogging and writing promo materials for a company. So it’s pretty all right. But having been unemployed for so long, and having listened to people vomit great quantities of ignorant verbal diarrhoea regarding my […]

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Some might say that, according to nihilism’s own view of the world, nihilism itself, and all that it espouses, is meaningless.Nihilism is, after all, the idea that everything – every thought, every word, every idea, concept, finger, ant, child, mother and goat – is meaningless. Nihilism can’t therefore exclude itself from being caught in the […]

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I’m pretty bad at remembering people’s birthdays. Thanks to facebook though, I don’t need to. Facebook knows everyone’s birthday. In fact, Facebook likes to gloat about that fact, by notifying me when one of my friends’ birthdays is happening. It doesn’t provide this service for me exclusively, of course. Facebook makes it easy for Facebookers […]

God

Technially, I’m an atheist. I don’t believe in god. Unlike many atheists however, I don’t enjoy pasting this somewhat contrarian label – that of a non-believer – on my forehead. To me, the label is almost redundant. And it’s redundant because it is more misleading than it is telling. Some reckon the definition of atheist […]